Saturday, April 11, 2009


Today is the big move. Incredible, how long we have prepared for this day and now that it is here, I almost feel unprepared as when we put it on the market.

I am feeling a whole lot of mixed emotions. I am disappointed we will have to leave but am very happy about the new home we purchased that will be ready in July. I am uncertain about my path while we stay at my mom's. Our schedules - not being in my own home. Granted this is the home I grew up in all my life, but I never had to stay an extended period of time there. Well, not since my dad passed away January of 2006. We try and visit every weekend my mom and my sisters but there is that void even almost 3 1/2 years later. Like something is missing. His smile, his smell, his voice. I miss it. I think about him often of course when I am not there, but the pull, the memories are so much stronger their, they are painful. I can see him sitting in his favorite chair. I can picture how his weight is shifted to one side of his body, while he crosses on leg over the other. I can picture his elbow rested on the arm chair and his chin resting on his hand. Occasionally catching him chewing a finger nail.

I can remember the comments he made from that very chair, as he watched a Jerry Springer episode on a rain day (he worked outdoors, so when it rained he was home). How he would get up from that very chair, to smoke or pick something out of the fridge. He was a grazer in the fridge -- kind of like me. That is where I must have gotten it from. I inherited many physically features from him as well. My nose, my chine, my eyes. People say that to me all the time. And I heard that at least 12 dozen times at his funeral. People who had not seen me in years -looking at my swollen and pregnant body telling me I was his splitting image. It made me proud and oh so sad at the same time. My thought could ramble on and on about that man. That man that I loved, the man that I was proud to say was my dad. The man that gave me so much and never asked for anything in return. Maybe a little peace and quite from time to time and respect. But nothing more than anyone would have asked. Anyone who worked hard to provide for his family especially his girls future and education. He was a family man. He had his vices and his negatives - but don't we all?

Living at my mom's til July or so will be hard. Adjusting to everything, the big city again (which I love) and our day to day routines. I have tried to prepare the family as best I can. Mainly my daughter. I have enrolled her in pre-school 3 mornings a week which will give her exposure to others kids, other cultures another environment. This will free time for me to get to the gym, which I plan to do join this week and go month to month. I want to stay focused on my 12 week challenge as best as I can..... Which leads us to ALL the temptations at my mom's home, her cooking, her comfort foods -- everything that I make sure I do not have in my house. Now that will be a challenge. The only thing that will keep me away from all that junk is WILL POWER. Do I have it? I hope so and unfortunately I am about to find out.

So how will I prepare myself - and my daughter from being overwhelmed with sugar overload? Well preparing our foods as much as possible, by doing our own food preparation, our home grocery shopping -- and eating clean as much possible. I will certainly report on a frequently basics..... Keeping my fingers crossed ... and my toes :)

1 comment:

  1. I was putting myself in your shoes as I was reading this, Nanc. My dad sold my childhood home a couple of years after my mom died. As you were sharing your thoughts about your dad I imagined how it would be for me visiting the home where I grew & also where my mother died. I think, try not to remember your dad in that home & be sad, but rather remember him & smile! :) As for the temp stay in someone else's home, this does take a certain bit of control from you until you can be in your own place & I can see how that can be concerning. Try to be in control of as much as you can. You can make this work for you! I wish you all the best!