Saturday, April 11, 2009


Today is the big move. Incredible, how long we have prepared for this day and now that it is here, I almost feel unprepared as when we put it on the market.

I am feeling a whole lot of mixed emotions. I am disappointed we will have to leave but am very happy about the new home we purchased that will be ready in July. I am uncertain about my path while we stay at my mom's. Our schedules - not being in my own home. Granted this is the home I grew up in all my life, but I never had to stay an extended period of time there. Well, not since my dad passed away January of 2006. We try and visit every weekend my mom and my sisters but there is that void even almost 3 1/2 years later. Like something is missing. His smile, his smell, his voice. I miss it. I think about him often of course when I am not there, but the pull, the memories are so much stronger their, they are painful. I can see him sitting in his favorite chair. I can picture how his weight is shifted to one side of his body, while he crosses on leg over the other. I can picture his elbow rested on the arm chair and his chin resting on his hand. Occasionally catching him chewing a finger nail.

I can remember the comments he made from that very chair, as he watched a Jerry Springer episode on a rain day (he worked outdoors, so when it rained he was home). How he would get up from that very chair, to smoke or pick something out of the fridge. He was a grazer in the fridge -- kind of like me. That is where I must have gotten it from. I inherited many physically features from him as well. My nose, my chine, my eyes. People say that to me all the time. And I heard that at least 12 dozen times at his funeral. People who had not seen me in years -looking at my swollen and pregnant body telling me I was his splitting image. It made me proud and oh so sad at the same time. My thought could ramble on and on about that man. That man that I loved, the man that I was proud to say was my dad. The man that gave me so much and never asked for anything in return. Maybe a little peace and quite from time to time and respect. But nothing more than anyone would have asked. Anyone who worked hard to provide for his family especially his girls future and education. He was a family man. He had his vices and his negatives - but don't we all?

Living at my mom's til July or so will be hard. Adjusting to everything, the big city again (which I love) and our day to day routines. I have tried to prepare the family as best I can. Mainly my daughter. I have enrolled her in pre-school 3 mornings a week which will give her exposure to others kids, other cultures another environment. This will free time for me to get to the gym, which I plan to do join this week and go month to month. I want to stay focused on my 12 week challenge as best as I can..... Which leads us to ALL the temptations at my mom's home, her cooking, her comfort foods -- everything that I make sure I do not have in my house. Now that will be a challenge. The only thing that will keep me away from all that junk is WILL POWER. Do I have it? I hope so and unfortunately I am about to find out.

So how will I prepare myself - and my daughter from being overwhelmed with sugar overload? Well preparing our foods as much as possible, by doing our own food preparation, our home grocery shopping -- and eating clean as much possible. I will certainly report on a frequently basics..... Keeping my fingers crossed ... and my toes :)

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

What Do You Do.......... ?

What do you do when your commitment, excitement and determination bring on comments that maybe your are "too obsessed". Or when you commitment makes someone feel that "there is probably a demon in there somewhere Nancy - try to find it"? Can someone who does not know what goes through your mind have the right to solicit that kind of advice? I don't think so.

My response to that - you are obviously dealing with your own demons, if you think you have the to sit there and judge me and try to pick at my actions, my words. Take them for what they are. I am driven!!! I am determined!!! I want to succeed!!!

Staying fit and being passionate about nutrition and working out, does not have to be an obsession. There are so many aspects of my life that are more important and that are a stronger force than whether or not I get in a workout. Whether or not I have time to prep all my meals.

When people start passing judgment on you - they generally have their own issues to deal with.

Monday, April 6, 2009


So today I made a decision - or maybe the decision was made for me. Whatever the case was, whatever the reason I am walking away with a clear concise. I was not going to blog about this, but than I realized I had too. I had to, not for anyone but myself. I had to because I want to move forward, get past this and not look back. Lessons learned - and I imagine I will always keep learning. It is what I take away from theses experiences that are most important.

How I feel about myself - I will not let anyone dictate how I feel about me. How I feel about my conduct, my expectations, my desires. I know them and I am not sticking around for someone to throw stones at me because they are stressed or overwhelmed. Not me - I am not going to be someone punching bag.

I have so much to look forward too and I am going to keep pushing forward with my challenge, my expectations of my myself, my mind and my body. I will surround myself with good people who have good intentions of my abilities. Hmmmmm I do feel better.